I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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