Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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