apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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