The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
