They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
