plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do vagina's smell?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
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