Im at strip club and am horny
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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