If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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