Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
40s are totally the cure
Your shirt... Was in my pants
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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