Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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