I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
