theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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