i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
