i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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