He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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