Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
