how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show