Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
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There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter