so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.