SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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