I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize