Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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