..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
