She's JV to your varsity
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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