He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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