Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize