yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
