Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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