I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
