Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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