you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
