i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
