Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
