have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
