i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
