why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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