quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
