Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
