dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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