dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
