I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
