I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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