Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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