Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
