i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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