I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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