sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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