Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
