I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If that was your dad, he is hot
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
