Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
