I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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