Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
