but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So squirting runs in the family.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
