gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
