Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
