Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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