Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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