Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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