Yo dont text me then not text me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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