The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
