She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Come see our sink grown plant.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
