God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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