my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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