i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
