Midget sex pt 2 tonight
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
